I used to think the idea was kind of foolish. If you want to change something, why wait til the beginning of the year? Why eat bad or not work out for a few more days so that you can wait til the start of a week, or a holiday, or birthday? I’ve changed my mind.

The day serves as a marker. More than that; an anchor. It’s a clear, definite thing. Saying “I haven’t eaten any flour since that Wednesday at 2:37pm” isn’t very inspiring, or easy to remember either. But everyone knows what a new year’s resolution is, saying “wheat-free since 2009″, and even counting the days, then weeks, then months, then years is easier when you choose a notable day to start the diet.

I was celebrating my birthday this weekend, and I had a slice of pizza. I decided, one more, end the year with a bang. And some indigestion, and some questioning of why I’d want to eat crappy pizza anyway. But I can also say: this year, since I turned XX, I haven’t eaten any flour or drank any soda. Right now that’s not much, just a few days, but the start of a new year of my life carries some weight. It carries more weight than “that Wednesday last April.”

Some people have an easy time making these changes. I don’t know why I don’t, but I know I’ve had problems. I’ve cheated now and then, gone back to old bad habits, and flirted around with dodgy interpretations of the rules. Will it work this time? It has so far, and it will continue by god!

I also bought a coke. It’s sitting on my dresser. I talked with a friend yesterday about giving up the habit, and I was thinking I’d just swear not to buy another one. He suggested that I buy one, and put it at the front of a fridge, as a reminder. I like the reminder idea. I find it much easier to keep to a promise when I’m constantly reminded of it.

Cheating is a mental dodge. You know you’re not supposed to, you know it’s a bad idea, you’ve seen all the dozens of reasons to stop. But if you just push it out of your mind a little, just blank out a little bit, evade the reality, forget the truth, and pretend…. yeah, that’s cheating. My can of coke is a crutch.

Really I’d prefer not to use crutches. I’d like to walk around free, confident in my strength, in my ability to not use them. But more than that, I want to not eat flour or drink soda. Fuck ego. Forget about fortitude, resolve, and discipline. I don’t want to eat that shit.

Writing things down also helps, as does telling friends and strangers. When you take a commitment you made to yourself and tell other people about it, it’s harder to break it. They’ll know. Whatever tricks it takes, I want to be healthy.

His post focuses on the sanction that such cheats give to the offending item; how a cheat now and then might give the impression that you still eat cake, etc. That avoiding cake isn’t a central part of your diet. I was coming at it from the effect it has on you, the cheater: eating fake pasta and sugar-free cookies is still pretty bad, and only one step removed from the real (bad) thing. That accepting that it’s OK to eat bread as long as it is gluten-free might lead to an occasional gluten-loaded bun now and then.

I did cheat last week; I ate a bun. It came with bratwurst, which is a favorite of mine, although I acknowledge that’s not an excuse. I’m not happy about the bun. I’m mentioning it here cuz I’d rather admit my failings then fake it (har). Plus mentioning it, writing it down, is a way of cementing the event in my mind, and remotivating myself to not do that again. I don’t want wheat, I don’t want cancer, I don’t want autoimmune diseases and gut distress.

Anyway, I was shopping today, and I thought of buying some rice noodles so I could make pasta, because … hmm, nostalgia? I used to make a lot of pasta. Pasta sauces are easy to make, and it’s easy to put whatever you want in to them. Pasta dishes are also hefty and filling. But… I don’t eat pasta, and although rice is probably the friendliest of the villainous grains it’s still a villain.

That got me thinking about diet soda. Diet Coke is a lot like gluten-free bread, or rice noodles, or candy cigarettes. Despite the flowery advertising for diet colas, I don’t think there’s anyone that would voluntarily drink them if it wasn’t for a desire for the non-diet versions, whether that desire comes from carb cravings or nostalgia or habit or whatever.

I think they’re fine as crutches; if you’re trying to transition to paleo, I think gluten-free bread, rice noodles, and diet coke are great. Some people do great quitting cold turkey, and if that’s you, then you can really skip this whole conversation. But I’ve had persistent problems with cheating. Carbs are cheating for me, and it’s the easiest thing to cheat on, because I’m eating low-carb to lose weight, not strictly to avoid disease. Wheat, however, is something I want to avoid 100%. I’d like to be wheat-free for a year, two years, a decade…. I’ve been aluminum and flouride free for years. Somehow that was a bit easier, mostly because those purchases (deodorant and toothpaste) are made rarely enough that I just need to be strong like once every six months. Cake.

Food, however, is something I eat daily. There are constant temptations to cheat. Convenience, social pressure, carb cravings that lead to bad food choices, etc. I don’t drink diet soda (choosing tea whenever I’m at a restaurant where I’d otherwise feel pressured to drink soda), and I’ve been 99% bean-free since last April. I still eat factory meat & eggs near daily, but 80% of my cheese is unpasteurized. I just need to … remember. Thinking about it before I down that hot dog bun would help. Gah.

One day at a time? I haven’t had any wheat today. It’s been five days since I last ate wheat.

I’m still buying basic supplies. Just today I bought EVOO (extra-virgin olive oil), which I don’t cook with of course but used to brush on some caprese. I don’t have a crock pot and I haven’t made stock, but I plan to soon. Sadly, I was a bit rushed on the day that I left Texas, and I forgot all my cooking stuff – my good knife, handy utensils, and the cookbooks. I felt the need for sugar today; we hosted a potluck here and someone prepared fried bananas, and I wanted to mix up some rum and sugar. But luckily that desire passed, and the bananas are gone so I’m not tempted with them any more.

I stopped at Mickey D’s this week to satisfy a french fry craving, buying a McDouble and stripping off the bun. But the tea sucked. Like day-old, bitter, nasty-tasting bark. I would have complained but instead I’m remembering it as a lesson to not go back. I had a similar experience at a restaurant up near the mountain, another incentive to eat out less.

I priced some grass-fed beef today. It could double my monthly food budget but at this point I think it’s the thing to do. I’ve got about eight pounds of frozen meat (of various flavors) atm, so not quite yet. I’ll prolly make stock first, then switch to grass-fed. I’m eating raw-milk cheese and taking my D3 and K2. I want to do more. Moving here was a life reset, so it’s a great time to establish new habits – like pastured meat and eggs, less fructose, etc. I’m even worried about solanine, despite having bought five pounds of potatoes for a buck (yay for the grocery circular!).

I do enjoy cooking. I find it very relaxing, even if I’m preparing food for a party. When I start cooking interesting stuff, I’ll post my results here.

I’m thinking Tuesdays will be food/cooking post days, and I do plan on doing snowboarding progress reports every ten days on the snow. The rest of the posts will continue to be random.

But I think the notion is dangerous. I don’t want to eat cake, or pasta, or bread. I tried gluten-free pizza, and it’s just not the same. I’m not going to eat buckwheat pasta just so I can have pasta. Eating those foods is a way of refusing to acknowledge reality. Wheat is evil. Don’t eat wheat. Everyone else eats wheat, but so what? I don’t want to return to the “good old days” of my ignorance.

Besides, the fake stuff tends to taste like ass.

A friend of mine advises to go zero carb cuz that way you don’t have to count; eating is very simple: if it’s a carb, don’t eat it. I appreciate his point of view but that’s not for me. That sort of strict rule doesn’t tend to work with me for some reason; I can’t keep to a rule if I know it’s arbitrary.

To me, eating fake food is breaking a more important rule: don’t eat poison (like gluten, lectin, etc). I can stick to that rule, and eating fake food means that sometimes I can eat “bad” food. I’m much happier treating all breads, even if they’re gluten-free, as bad.

By not choosing fake foods, I also get to eat other stuff, which tends to taste better, too. Beef & butter for dinner!

Donuts are bad on three fronts: carbs (simple ones at that), wheat, and veggie oils. Definitely the sort of crap I shouldn’t even be near.

I was talking with my boss, with whom I’m planning to do contract work next year, when the donuts showed up. I felt like Marshall in this week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother: eat the donut with the boss to get on his good side.

I guess mostly I’m posting about it to reinforce (to myself) not to do that kind of thing next time. I avoided eating a bun with my burger today (and nearly always); and I’ve skipped the kolaches and donuts at the office before. I think writing goals down makes them more real. It’s like hearing something three times.

It also got me thinking about cheating in the mornings. It’s possibly the worst time to cheat; consuming carbs shuts down fat burning, and I’ve got the whole-body fat-burning thing going after an overnight fast. Skipping breakfast extends the fast, while a zero-carb breakfast would at least maintain fat burning. If I get some carbs with lunch an afternoon cheat would turn straight into fat, but a morning cheat means I’m not burning fat and lunch now has a good chance of being ’stored for future use’ too.

So, no more donuts. Not gonna happen.

thread title courtesy of morrisey and marr